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>>>> Overcoming resentment. Resentment: feeling hurt without forgetting.
03/03/2011

Envy is the prelude of resentment. In envy the issue is more interiorized by the subject, while in resentment you have to add a desire for complaint that sometimes turns into a tendency for revenge.

How can we define resentment? It is a moral pain that comes as a consequence of being mistreated –fairly or unfairly- with a total lack of consideration. A feeling of anger to the person of people who caused the harm comes progressively. Therefore we can conclude: Resentment = feeling hurt without forgetting. 

Past sufferings, problems and trauma should be overcome by a man who positions his focus in the future. Looking into the future means being capable of assuming and accepting what has happened in the past. Life should be directed forward. In his book Theory of neurosis, Freud highlighted the neurotic mechanisms. One of them is capable of storing all the problems and frustrations from the past without being able of exteriorizing them. This action leads the person into a status of neuroticism making him sickly. 
 
Anyhow, suffering is needed for the person to mature individually. We could even say more: it is mandatory. But a person in a perennial neurotic status lives a life which grows surrounded by suffering. Suffering caused by bad breaks becomes stronger than this person’s strength, surpassing all his limits. Life is seen uphill. The road is too bumpy and it seems he can’t walk anymore.

At those moments, when difficulties and problems look to throw away our best intentions, we need to react. We need to adjust our living arguments, re-launching them by dissolving all feelings of pain and revenge that come from the bitter situations experienced.
 

Relativity of success and failure

Success and failure are two big imposters. Neither of the two convinces me, because both develop a relationship closer to the outside than to our inside. In modern psychology the first one is more interesting than the second one, because the value of failure and defeat is seldom analyzed. If accepted accordingly, failure is an essential element for people’s maturity. Human life is made of success and mistake, of things that develop as expected and things that do not end up the right way. Human behavior matures through learning, and generally we learn more from defeat than from victory. At least, we can say, from a learning perspective, that defeat is as good as victory.  

What do we know by the word “failure”? What is it? We can define it as an interior experience of defeat that comes as a result of something that has not finished well. It is the awareness we have when we have not reached the goals set. Its first feeling is completely negative and is surrounded by a mix of sadness and interior bitterness.

What are the psychological features of this failure?  

1. The first feeling experience is a collapse reaction. This is due to a mix of frustrations, sadness, contained anger and internal discomfort. This mix many times is guided by negative sensations.

2. Secondly comes what currently is known in modern psychology as a cognitive response. This is an interior examination that tries to find the reasons for the situation’s result. A series of ideas and thoughts are elaborated, making an analysis of the facts. We do this unconsciously and repeat it over and over many times.

3. Then we get paralyzed. We feel blocked, perplex and do not know what to do… If we are talking about a major issue, the individual many times is supported by other people who help him handle the situation with their closeness and words.

4.  The issue is very important. I mentioned it when talking about life’s traumas. The failure would be more or less painful depending on the issue in which we feel we have failed.

An individual’s illusions build his homeland. Life should always be anticipation and future. Each one of us is a determined project that should be launched and re-launched continuously. Because essentially a man is what his future will be.

I am very interested on the losers who have learnt how to swallow their defeat to rise again.  It is wonderful to see a man grow when facing failure, starting over again. If he keeps this tenacity and perseverance despite the tiredness, he will become a strong and firm human being. Someone that, despite the storm, clearly knows his course: reach the ideas that stimulate his life from the beginning.

A man with a strong will very hardly fails. Even when facing the worst situations, he keeps his hope hope. This is where the necessity of rising again comes from; this is what makes him a great individual ready to recover all his arguments and motivations.

I have said it before. The will has two edges: one is made by motivation and illusion and the other one by organization and perseverance. That is why I would change the question “what do you think?” for another more determined: “what do you want to accomplish?” By this, we are changing an established the order, but we are also giving a previous comprehension that clearly facilitates things.

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